You know how you come across something, in this case, just a line in a book of fiction, and it sticks with you? You roll it around in your thoughts and wonder…. could it be true? Is it that way for everyone? Is this a basic truth and I have never noticed it before?

This is from Jodi Picoult’s book, Mercy.

“Then you’re the one.”… “The one what?”…”The one who loves more….You know it’s never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It’s always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride…. I’m the one…who would do anything to keep it the way it was at the beginning.”

Is this true? Is there always an imbalance, always one person who goes the extra mile to make nice, to make sure things are ok, who apologizes first? Is one person more invested, loves more deeply, is more sure that this is good?

It’s funny, but this is oddly comforting to me. There is certainly an imbalance of the proclaimed amount of love in my own relationship, and this has always concerned me, concerned both of us. But what if this is normal? “Normal” is such a comforting word. I like it a lot. It takes the pressure off: It is normal to gain a little weight after menopause; it isn’t just me. It is normal to need to write down lists more as I get older and thoughts slip out of my brain as I walk from one room to the next. It’s normal, after divorce, to wonder if I could choose a partner more wisely this time round.

What is “normal?” What is it for you?