A bit of a follow up on the “suffering is optional” idea. Personally, I think everyone needs a safe place to whine. Since no one I know has achieved sainthood [yet], I believe everyone needs to let down and indulge in misery from time to time.  In this instance, I am not talking about solitary suffering, the sort that eats at you and can become a festering sore. I am speaking of a healthy need to share a dark place with someone. I like to have the permission, so to speak, of the listener/recipient. If whining is a steady diet, no one benefits. I might preface my griping with a statement like, please excuse me but I need to say this out loud.

“The pain today is making me crazy.”

I hope for a simple sympathetic response and then I am able to walk away, feeling some relief. It’s funny how well that works for me. The act of putting my pain out there, naming it, whining about it, relieves me just enough to get back to my day. It had become too heavy to hold, as pains and fears can become. Let me say it. Put it on the line. Don’t make a big deal in your response. Just hear me, hold me, tell me I am heard. I am not alone.

That is the best of all things we can do for one another. Make the dark small.                                                                                                 Dean Koontz

I am grateful to to  my partner, my wonderful girlfriends, my mom, my therapist, once in a while, my daughters, whether than “hear” me in person or in an email or by phone, these are the people who help me lance the sores that have grown too big to carry around. I know I am not alone. Thank you for traveling with me. And how are you today?